I like writing even when I was younger, I grew up having a diary. My mom and sister probably don’t know about this until now. I had it hidden in my grandma’s living room, in a shelve of medical books, a place no one would even think of checking. I would update my diary whenever I have something good or bad to share. It was a best friend to me, I can share what’s on my mind without getting any judgement. It’s just there to listen and absorb whatever there is that i have to tell. I think as a kid, it’s good to have one. Memories remain, good or bad, you have it kept. You know you can still go back to those days when your mind can no longer recall what happened on that day or if it did even happen.
I started blogging when I thought about sharing my solo adventures. Traveling alone was something that I did not plan, it happened by chance. Me and my cousin were supposed to go overseas for a week-long vacation, but unfortunately, she had to cancel 2 weeks prior to our departure. She had her reasons and I respected that. Since I already had everything booked, I did not bother and just pushed through it. “Money can be replaced, and you’re not. What if something happens to you?”, said my mom. She was worried about me going alone. I know it is natural for a mother to be worried. Little did she know, I was worried for my own sake too. But there’s something inside me that was telling me to go.
But I am glad I did. I am glad that I was brave enough to face a place with a language I am not familiar with. I am glad that I had the courage to go with no one. I am glad that I did it for myself. If I did not go, maybe, just maybe, I am still one of those 20-something who is stuck in their 9-5 job just to pay bills. Hardly figuring out what do they do with their life to make it more meaningful. Because youth is just a phase in life, it’s not there forever. Somewhere, somehow, you have to live a life full of memories to go back.
Blogging has been a place for me to dump all my travel adventures. I love how my friends and family can read it even if they’re miles away. It was like the diary that I had when I was still a kid, but this time, everyone can read it, even people who I don’t know. At first, it was fun. I love it when people would praise my work, it motivates me to write more. I remember, my first published article was shared hundred of times in just few hours that made my website go down. It was overwhelming!
Now, I am struggling to get back. I lost track. I’m not on the right pace. I don’t know. I’m no longer motivated. I still travel and I enjoy it more than anything else, but I am no longer as enthusiastic to write like how I used to when I started. Honestly, I have been thinking to quit. I can list down factors why I’d take down my website but I also have reasons why I’d carry on.
With the niche that I have chose, I sort of help people plan their travels for free. The only compensation I can get is a “THANK YOU”. However, it does not always go that way because this industry also comes with criticism. People who would gang you up with offensive disapproval. While there are those who are grateful that your work have helped them, there are some who would still find flaws in what you do.
Writers are not well appreciated as they have to be. I’ve seen people who don’t get paid to do this, some would just do it out of passion. So much effort and time (sometimes money) was invested just so there is a content to share. The misery is writers don’ get much recognition. You have to meet your readers standards. I am not the first person to point out that doing something so deeply personal does become less jolly when you have to keep on it. You sit for hours in your room, battling with words in your head, carry on with the momentum and try produce a good read.
I don’t know how long will I be able to hold it. If this is something that I would still want to pursue. I get anxious because what will happen now? I am not saying that I am a good writer, cos I know I am not. I have tons of things to improve. I am only doing this as some sort of a hobby and like any other hobby, you also get tired and look for something new. You know when you grow and you out grow things, it is what I am feeling towards blogging.
Frankly, if I did not enjoy writing, I would not do it. Most writers find their first drafts difficult. I currently have about 16 back logs which consists most of my travels from last year. I know this is a lot, especially that I have a full-time job. Everyday, I would sit there in front of my computer, try to think of how I would finish my article, but I don’t even know how do I begin.
Everyone has their own struggles. Whether it’s at work, school, about your career or about life. Everyone had their difficult time. It doesn’t make you too much, too sensitive, or a burden. It makes you a human. Recovery is not just going back, but it’s the opposite. It’s gaining yourself to be a better version. It’s continuing to push forward after a relapse. It takes time, but I know WE will get there.